The Most Important Piece of Furniture In Your Home Is Missing.

‘Where did I put those spare batteries?’ ‘Did I get rid of that tube of super-glue?’ These questions, and many like them, happen every day in the houses of Britain.

Whether in a rented 1-bed studio in Rotherham, or a 16 bedroom town house in Kensington, people are fumbling through random drawers, cupboards and attics, trying to locate those needle-nosed pliers they bought 4 years ago.

Here then, I will introduce the most important piece of furniture in your home, and one that if you don’t have, you need to get, as soon as possible. The Box of Crap.

(Just a small selection of possible ideas for Box of Crap)

Now, what’s great about Box of Crap is that it doesn’t even need to be a box. It can be whatever you need it to be. A Hessian sack, a vintage suitcase, a leather Ottoman; the possibilities of style and décor are endless. As long as it’s large enough to be given the role of ‘the only place you put everything that doesn’t have a home,’ it can become your Box of Crap. What’s important is it is the only place you use. The moment you double-up on Crap drawers, the point is lost.

Gone are the messy, cluttered and overflowing second-drawer-downs, leaving space to keep things that should be in them. The Box of Crap doesn’t have rules; it doesn’t discriminate between office stationary or face paint. Nothing should be in there, they just are. And it changes week on week. Maybe you reorganise your office space and decide that the hole-punch can be promoted to living on the desk by the keyboard. And that’s fine, life’s full of surprises.

To give you a hint as to how brilliant they are, here’s a list of just a few bits that are currently in mine…

A Frisbee

Super glue

Aircraft jet turbine blades (because why not?)

Face paint

Spare light bulbs

Headphones (broken)

As you can see, the variation in Box of Crap is its best attribute. You’ll never need to ask yourself ‘Where should I put this?’ If it’s not immediately obvious, it’s going straight in.

Yes, once a year or so, I’ll stand over, looking down into the bottomless void of chaos and throw a few bits out, but I also get the warming feeling of picking up an old RAF beret and saying ‘I forgot I had that!’

In short then, rid your homes of clutter, keep your bedside tables for lamps and bookmarks, and solve life’s biggest question: ‘Where is my radiator bleed key?’ Box of Crap. That’s where it is.


(Cover image courtesy of Alex Platt Art, 2016)


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